Evlenme ve Boşanma Deneyimleri Arasındaki İlişkide Dindarlık Faktörünün İncelenmesiFatma Baynal
Bu araştırmanın amacı, evlilik ve boşanma deneyimi ilişkisinde dindarlık faktörünü incelemektir. Çalışmamızda nitel araştırma yöntemlerinden fenomenolojik araştırma deseni; veri toplama araçlarından yarı yapılandırılmış mülakat tekniği kullanılmıştır. Araştırmanın çalışma alanını İstanbul ilinde yaşayan katılımcılar oluşturmuştur. Kadın ve erkek katılımcılardan onar kişi olmak üzere toplamda yirmi kişi ile görüşülmüştür. Araştırmada katılımcıların kişisel özellikleri, dindarlık algıları, evlilik kriterleri, boşanma nedenleri, evlilik ve dindarlık ile ilgili görüşleri de alınarak boşanmaların önlenmesinde dindarlığın etkisini tespit etmek amaçlanmıştır. Araştırma sonucuna göre evlenme kriterlerinde duygusal nedenler ön planda olmakla birlikte dindarlık kriterinin etkili olduğu; boşanma nedeni olarak aldatma, ilgisizlik, iletişimsizlik, sorumsuzluk ve ekonomik nedenler ile ilgili problemlerin ilk sıralarda yer aldığı görülmüştür. Ayrıca anne ve babalarını evliliklerinde rol model olarak alan ya da karşısında ebeveynleri gibi bir eş olmasını isteyen kişilerin aile ilişkilerinde yanlış davranış ve beklentiler içerisine girdikleri; psikolojik sorunları olan bireylerin aile içi ilişkilere bu sorunları yansıttıkları görülmüştür. Boşanma deneyiminden sonra evlilik kriterlerinde duygusal nedenlerin yerini daha mantıksal nedenlerin aldığı görülmüştür. Katılımcıların çoğunluğunun yaşadığı en büyük pişmanlık, karşı tarafı iyi tanıyamadan kısa sürede evlenmeleridir. Katılımcılar, dindarlığın sadece pratikteki yönünü uygulamanın boşanmaları önleyemeyeceğini; ancak kişisel ahlakı da içerisine alan samimi bir dindarlık anlayışına sahip olunduğunda bu durumun değişebileceğini belirtmişlerdir.
The Role of the Religiosity Factor in Relation to Marriage Experiences and Divorce ProcessFatma Baynal
The aim of this study was to investigate the relationship between the religiosity factor and the process of divorce marriage experiences using a phenomenological research design from qualitative research methods. Data collection tools include a semi-structured interview technique, and the study is composed of participants living in the province of İstanbul. Twenty people were interviewed, including ten men and women from the male and female participants. The purpose of the study was to determine the effect of religiousness on the prevention of divorce by taking into consideration the personal characteristics of the participants, perceptions of religiosity, marital criteria, and the reasons for divorce, marriage, and religiosity. According to the results of the research, the religiosity criterion was found to influence the emotional causes in the marriage criteria. Problems related to deception, indifference, lack of communication, irresponsibility, and economic reasons appeared in the first place as reasons for divorce. In addition, those who take their mothers and fathers as role models in their marriage, or who want to have a partner like their parents, enter into the wrong behavior and expectations in family relationships. It has been seen that individuals with psychological problems reflect these problems in family relationships. After the divorce experience, emotional reasons have been replaced by more logical reasons. The greatest regret from most of the participants is that they got married too quickly, and they did not take the time to get to know their partner. Some of the participants thought that this situation might be useful in preventing divorce. Participants say that practicing religiosity cannot prevent divorces from happening, but that may change when people have a sincere understanding of piety that incorporates personal morality.
In our age, as a result of the phenomena of technology, individuality, and globalization, the divorce rate is rapidly increasing despite the change in family structure. Divorce can cause various psychological effects such as trauma. Therefore, the divorced individuals and their children need psychological and social support.
With a divorce, if both members are adaptable, it can either prevent the divorce from happening or be a factor that affects an amicable divorce; detecting divorce enhancing or inhibiting factors is an important issue.
As in many other areas, religion or religiousness play an important role in the continuation of marriage and divorce. This drove the reasons investigated in our study for what causes a divorce. Divorced individuals were asked questions about the effect of religiousness in the process of marriage and divorce. This research will contribute to the field of marriage and divorce in terms of eliminating the lack of adequate study of the religiosity factor.
Our study conducted interviews with 20 divorced people, including ten women and ten men. The majority of the participants we interviewed were middle aged adults with a high level of education, who spent most of their lives in Istanbul, and who participated in certain professions. Female participants, in particular, needed jobs to make a living during or after the divorce.
Based on the findings, we cannot say to remove the high educational level as a factor of divorce. In fact, it is effective for women to display a more decisive attitude toward divorce.
Most participants chose to get married based on the emotional factors “appearance” (8 people), “love to be/to like” (8 people). Also “being religious” (6 persons) and “not suitable for families” (4 people) criteria were significant. According to this, being religious is among the criteria sought in marriages.
We can say that these two options, which are connected with each other, such as exterior appearance and being in love, are not functional in maintaining the marriage in terms of the marriage criteria and that it is more important to approach marriage from a logical point of view.
According to participants at the beginning of a divorce, the research results of “deception/ deceived” (9 people) were at the top of the list. The second reason is “indifference” (6 people). This was followed by “communication” (5 people), “irresponsibility” (5 people), and “economic reasons” (5 people). “Psychological violence” (4 people), “physical strength” (4 people), “disrespect” (3), and “jealousy” (3) are also among the causes of divorce. The deception angle, after women had been deceived, led them choosing “irresponsibility” (5 people) as a major cause of divorce, and men chose “indifference” (4 people).
The reasons for divorce that emerged in our research show parallels with other research. According to participants, divorce does not depend on a single cause; we see a negative situation could cause different problems. Also, disrespectful communication problems in couples and the emergence of situations such as irresponsibility, poor communication within the family, and being unable to relate to one another are other reasons. According to this, spouses did not spend time together, and the lack of pleasure in performing activities together may be among the reasons behind the conflicts within the family.
For the majority of the participants, more attention should be given to the premarital period rather than the prevention of marriage or divorce. According to them, first of all, people should get to know each other and their families better. The biggest regret from the majority of the participants is that they married quickly, without getting to know the other side and their family. In the process of divorce, individuals expected more functional mediation than their relatives. The participants expected more help from their relatives.
When we asked the interviewers whether religiousness had any function in the attitudes of spouses and their divorce, they emphasized that they were generally more moral than religious. This situation shows that the spouses who promote themselves as religious do not turn their words into behaviors, and they exhibit unethical behavior in family life. Accordingly, based on the opinions of respondents, those who said that they mostly defined themselves as religious, had a piety factor in the moral dimension of marriage and divorce, which had an important function in terms of the experience.
Conflicting words and behaviors are seen before and after marriage, causing people to become disillusioned and breaking the feelings of trust that spouses have toward each other. Therefore, deception is the most important cause of divorce. In considering the moral sense of priorities from each of the spouses, honesty, loyalty, and respect are expected. After sacrifice and altruism, moral values such as responsibility and compassion come to the fore. However, it is also important to know the attitudes of the people who were looking for these criteria against their former spouses. Therefore, bilateral negotiations need to be conducted with divorced people, and work done with qualitative research on religiosity will be useful.